Atonement - Ch. 22

--by Abby (ends pg. 362)

Briony has grown. It seems a large factor in her decision to go to medical school was to earn her independence. She's remained very introverted and is kind of alienating her family.

Since discovering 'Genre' it looks like she's off the deep end writing stories without characters or plot. Insanity. And she is not pleased that Cecilia hasn't written her back. Clearly she doesn't realize that depends on letters back and forth from France.

Atonement – Ch. 23

--by Abby (ending pg. 368)

Interesting news from Mr. Tallis—Lola and Paul Marshall are getting married. Not quite the scandal I expected, but still, I knew he was into her. Briony thinks she facilitated this union, but she hasn't seen Lola in like 5 years so I'm not really sure what that means.

The news has sent Briony into a shame spiral, which is fun. I hope she gets self-destructive and takes a lover. That would be fun.

Atonement - Ch. 20

--by Abby (the end of Part II)

Well Part II is over. It lasted nearly two days and drove Robbie Turner completely mad. I'm with Miranda in her sentiments that war sucks and this drags on. Nothing actually happened. Technically, Robbie didn't even make it home, though when last we left him the boats were coming. They didn't even find Mace.

Better luck in Part III.

Atonement - Ch. 21

--by Abby (Chapter 21 starts at the beginning of Part III and ends on page 356.)

Glorious. Back to Briony, now a nurse-in-training. Anything is a welcome change of pace from Robbie. Plus Briony has a pretty miserable little life, so that's nice. This chapter is wrought with premonitions of horror and attack on England. Other than that it just tells us that Briony barely has any friends and they all live in fear of the Sister.

I'm a little upset that no mention was made about Briony's feelings about the Robbie-didn't-rape-anyone situation. I'd like to know.

The word "strictures" was used. That amuses me.

Final Thougts on I Am America (And So Can You!)

-- by Miranda

Yeah, I probably could have thrown this at the end of my last post about IAA (ASCY!), but who knows if anyone is actually reading all the posts. But anyway, my final thoughts.

In the beginning I was worried that the style of writing would get old, but it never did. It was very funny and even subtle in some places ('The Stephen T. Colbert Award For The Literary Excelence'? Hee).

Bottom line: If you like The Colbert Report, you'll like the book.

I Am America (And So Can You!) - Chapter 10 through the end

-- by Miranda

I kind of feel like the write-ups for each chapter are getting a little repetitive, so just go ahead and assume that ever chapter is very very funny (which is true), and just read the quotes below for a little taste. So, without further ado, here's Part Three: My American Maturity (chapters 10-14) and everything after that.

CHAPTER 10 - THE MEDIA

"CSPAN's liberal bias is severely underestimated. With its unvarnished gavel-to-gavel coverage of our elected leaders, CSPAN glamorizes big government by showing not only how it works, but that it sometimes does work. CSPAN 2 may be just as dangerous, but has never been watched."
- pg. 154

Bonus: An imagined Cosmo headline: "29 Ways To Make Your Man Renounce God: Make Him Go From Amen to Oh, Baby!"

CHAPTER 11 - CLASS WAR

"Now, I'm not the smartest knife in the spoon, so explain this to me. We're supposed to help folks out of poverty by giving them a financial reward for being poor? Doesn't add up. If being poor is a never-ending money party, where's the incentive to get rich?"
-pg. 165

CHAPTER 12 - RACE

"Some people seem to think racism still exists. These people are racists."
-pg. 174

CHAPTER 13 - IMMIGRANTS

"America is not a land of immigrants. There. Was that so hard to say? It makes sense if you think about it. It feels like we've been here forever, doesn't it? Let's just assume that we have been. How does it feel to smash the shackles of our past? It tastes like freedom."
-pg. 182

Fun Fact: The picture of Stephen at the begining of this chapter is the same as at the begining of the Homosexuals chapter: Stephen, smiling big, has his arms outstretched. With a big ol' mustache.

CHAPTER 14 - SCIENCE

"Physics: Some say this science is fundamental; I say it's a bunch of unnecessary regulations. Physics is the ultimate Big Government interference -- universal laws meant to constrain us at every turn. No staying in motion if acted on by a net force. NO thermodynamic systems without entropy. Hey, is it wrong that I sometimes want to act without having to deal with an equal and opposite reaction?"
-pg. 201

A NOTE TO THE FUTURE

"Obviously, I can't know what will happen in the future, but just because something is unknowable, that doesn't mean I don't have some strong opinions about it."
-pg. 209

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

"In fact, however carefully you've just read this book, there are sure to be lessons within it that you've yet to fully comprehend. That's why you should buy a fresh copy and read it again. The smell and feel of a new book is part of the lesson."
-pg. 214

Another round of applause for WPL patrons: All the "Stephen T. Colbert Award for the Literary Excellence" stickers are still there.

THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS' DINNER

"Then, George W. Bush arrived. He made a beeline for me, in that, like a bee, he went all around the room and then came up to me last. "Pleased to meet you, ColberT."
-pg. 219

I Am America (And So Can You!) - Chapters 5 through 9

-- by Miranda

Chapters 5-9 make up Part Two of I am America, "My American Adolescence." Part Two begins with a story that includes the five big Ss of Adolescence: "School, Sports, Sex, Sodomy, and the Silver Screen."

CHAPTER 5 - SPORTS/CHEVRON "THE GAS WITH TECHRON" SPORTS CHAPTER/BLOCKBUSTER "NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE" SPORTS CHAPTER/THE KRAFT SEVEN SEAS CREAMY ITALIAN SPORTS CHAPTER

"Now, generaly speaking, I'm not a big fan of sports. It's a waste of both
testosterone and blind, fervent allegiance, both of which would be better
directed towards our military."
-pg. 71

This chapter includes such brilliance as "The Abstinence Bases" (1st base is polite chatter, 2nd is eye contact) and a list of which sports to pay attention to and which to ignore. Stephen's thoughts on Synchronized Swimming (a sport to ignore): "I defy you to watch this sport and tell me the olympics have no hidden gay agenda." Also this chapter is sponsored by several large companies, hence the rather long chapter title.

CHAPTER 6 - SEX AND DATING

"Treat sex like alcohol. Whether you sip it or chug it or have a destructive
chemical dependency on it, make sure you're in control. When you bring that
frosty can of sex to your lips, you'd better be the one calling the
shots."
-pg. 90

So far this was the hardest chapter from which to pick a quote. It's not that it's not as funny as the other chapters, it's just that a lot of the quotes were too long for my lazy ass to type up. This chapter is incredibly funny. An abstinence pledge, a continuum of sexual morality ("gay stuff" being at the bad end, "missionary postition, followed by a firm handshake" being at the good end), and dating advice for men and women. One piece of advice for the ladies? Show some cleavage. I couldn't agree more.

CHAPTER 7 – HOMOSEXUALS

"Nowhere does God say he wants pairs of men to be fruitful and multilpy. If
that's what He'd wanted, He would have given gay men ovaries and breasts and
luscious lips. But [H]e only gave them the luscious lips."
- pg. 112

I love the gays. This chapter is hilarious, but I'm suprised that on the list of "Things that are trying to turn me gay and their success on a scale of one to ten," Clive Owen only rates an 8. Clive Owen is hott (two Ts!), ask anyone. I guess I should point out that Clive has the second highest ranking on the list, after baby carrots, which score 11.

CHAPTER 8 - HIGHER EDUCATION

"Look no further than the example of Ted Kaczynski, a.k.a. the Unabomber. He
skipped sixth grade, got a Bachelor's from Harvard followed by a Master's and a
Ph.D., and then embarked on a distinguished academic career of blowing people
up. Most Ph.D. biographies have similar endings."
-pg. 119

Again, lots of funny here. I know, it's getting repetitive. But it's a great chapter describing exactly why higher education is the greatest threat facing America today, after flag burning, yoga, and vaccination.

CHAPTER 9 – HOLLYWOOD

"I don't understand movies today. They romanticize the liberal lifestyle, cram
gays into our living rooms, and make children believe it's safe to spend time
with Robin Williams."
- 131

I hear ya on that last one. Some of my favorite parts of this chapter are Stephen's description of the Hay's Code ('It was created to curb the corrupting influence of movies like The Bathing Kuties of '28 and Gangbang Dames of '29) and the Cultural Corrosiveness PH Scale, which gives Abstinence and Holy Water PHs of 13 and 14 respectively. Yep, completely alkaline. I remember enough from sophmore Chem to know that an alkaline substance isn't safer than an acidic substance.

Check back later for the final I Am America entry.